Wes: Welcome to the Lifelong Wellness podcast, where we talk to wellness professionals from around the world to gain their insights into healthier living. I’m your host, Wes Malik. Our guest today is Tiffany Yelverton, Founder and Chief Sexinista of Entice Me and Sexy Survivors. She is considered a master at enticing others to experience soul-changing growth personally and professionally by embracing pleasure and connecting to their core sexual confidence. Combining her experience in corporate management and training with her entrepreneurial spirit, Tiffany manifests transformation in ways most never dreamed possible. As an expert in sexual health and wellness, she embraces unconventional concepts that enable individuals and couples to bring new, unexpected joys and connections to life. And with that introduction, if we had music to accompany that introduction it would be the 1990’s single by Salt and Pepper, Let’s Talk About Sex Baby. But we don’t have the rights to that song so we won’t be playing that, but we will be talking to Tiffany about sex and how it relates to well-being and our health. Let’s invite her to the show. Tiffany, welcome to the Lifelong Wellness podcast. How are you doing today?
Tiffany: I’m great, Wes. Thanks for having me.
Wes: Alright! Tiffany, the first question I have for you is, how do sexual pleasure and sex relate to our health and our wellness?
Tiffany: Well, you know, something that we don’t really talk about is the health benefits of sex. But, you know, sex releases stress and improves blood flow, it strengthens cardiovascular strength in the system. One of my favorites statistics is that if you have three orgasms a week or more it can cut down on heart disease by 50%.
Tiffany: Yes, and 21 or more orgasms a month for men can reduce prostate cancer by up to 30%.
Wes: Have there been studies done on this?
Tiffany: Yes. And if you think of all the diseases, most things are caused by stress, and so when you release the stress that helps with immunity and pain relief, helps you sleep better, your skin looks better. I call it Botox without the needles because when you have the 3 orgasms a week, you’ll look 5 to 7 years younger than someone who doesn’t.
Tiffany: It’s a natural calorie burner. It helps with depression, boosts your mood and it can even help you make more money.
Wes: Okay. We’ll get to all of these stages one by one (laughing) – especially the last remark that you made. But first, what is the process of the body relieving stress while having sex?
Tiffany: So when you have an orgasm, a lot of feel-good chemicals, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine and endorphins, and neuro-chemicals are released into the bloodstream so they just naturally alleviate stress.
Tiffany: And boost the mood.
Wes: And when we talk about sex, are we talking about sexual intercourse? Are we talking about masturbation? Do we need to define and talk about these things separately or can we lump the different types of sex altogether?
Tiffany: I think we can lump it together when we talk about the income potential or kind of go more into masturbation, but I really look at sex as it can be with yourself or with another person or multiple people, whatever you would like.
Wes: As a natural process and a function of our bodies to procreate, we’re generally hard wired to have sex and have the need and want to have sex. Do you think that over time we’ve kind of suppressed that?
Tiffany: Yes. I think that society has helped us repress that. And one of my favorite quotes is from Oscar Wilde which is, “Everything in the world is about sex, except for sex. Sex is about power”.
Tiffany: And I think that the patriarchy has known that for generations and has suppressed women’s sexuality. And that plays into a lot of the gender wage gap and women not making as much money as men.
Wes: And how about men, do they, have they also been repressed?
Tiffany: To a point. I think, you know, everybody always says, “Oh, sex is bad”. You know, as children, as teens we don’t ever learn about the pleasures of sex. We get taught of the consequences of sex and then when you’re in a relationship you have to really flip that belief system and want to have sex and to procreate. Some religions teach that you should just have sex to procreate but it is really our life force energy. If you think about where our chakras are and how energy flows, real life comes from the genital area. It creates life.
Wes: Oh. Are you knowledgeable or do you practice yoga? Are you knowledgeable about chakras and stuff?
Tiffany: I have a basic knowledge of chakras with the energy levels. I do yoga three times a week, myself. And really focus on breathing and being intentional with my self-pleasure practices and my orgasms so that I can manifest more in my life, as well… and I teach my clients to do that as well.
Wes: So when it comes to the teachings of yoga and chakras, how is that related to the life force, the energy?
Tiffany: Well the sacral chakras is in that genital area, the womb. And so creating… It’s not the root chakra but the sacral chakra right above that where actual life is formed. And there’s so much energy in that area, whether it’s negative energy that needs to be switched to positive energy. You know, there’s always a lot of, there can be traumas that’s happened in that area, we see a lot of cancers. Those areas for both men and women, with prostate for men and ovarian and uterine cancer for women.
Tiffany: So those traumas also play into how pleasure is manifested and brought forth in the future as well.
Wes: Okay. So there are benefits, of course, there are health benefits and wellness benefits to having sex. Are there any repercussions to not having sex?
Tiffany: Yes. When you don’t have sex, one for women, is the vaginal atrophy.
Tiffany: So if you’ve not, felt pleasuring with insertion…You don’t use it, you lose it.
Tiffany: And I believe that that really holds a lot of people back in their personal life and in their professional life when they aren’t being sexual with themselves or with someone else, because sex is life and it gives us energy. It gives us health and well-being. I say, I can tell if somebody has had an orgasm in a while if I walk into a room. Their skin and demeanor are just different.
Wes: Okay. How did you learn that or is it just, you know, you pick up after communicating with people or talking to people? How can you tell?
Tiffany: So you know that saying, of when someone is super irritated and agitated, what do we say? We say, “You need to get laid”.
Wes: Yes. Of course (laughing)
Tiffany: So, you take that to the next level. It’s those fine lines in the face, that tone, and texture of the skin. How they are reacting, they’re usually on edge. So all those signs, when you really looked at them together, it becomes pretty easy to see.
Wes: Okay. So apart from, now we discussed the drawbacks to not having sex, how about, and you mentioned before as well three orgasms a week, right?
Tiffany: Three orgasms a week, yes.
Wes: Okay. Now, you mentioned that it can improve your income. What’s that about?
Tiffany: So when we self-pleasure, we create self-love because the oxytocin that is released upon orgasm, instead of it creating an emotional bond with another person, it creates self-love. And when you have an orgasm, it also helps to block pain receptors which can allow you to push past something that’s uncomfortable, like going for an upper management position or asking for a raise. And it is said that in studies that if you take going from one orgasm a month to one orgasm a week, it’s like giving yourself a $50,000 raise because you’re so much happier.
Wes: So basically, you make yourself happy. I don’t even know how to put this (laughing). By making yourself happy, you’re making yourself even happier. Is that right?
Wes: Okay. That’s terrible way to put it (laughs)
Tiffany: It’s like the ultimate self-care.
Wes: That’s the better way to put it. The ultimate self-care. A lot of people are very prudish or embarrassed about talking about masturbation and a lot of people growing up have been told that it’s not the right thing to do. What’s your take on it?
Tiffany: I think that that is total BS because it is something that you can do that is just for you. And it’s proven that women overcome body image issues when they self-pleasure. I mean, if it does better and helps you in your life, why would you not do it? And there is absolutely nowhere in the doctrine of the churches and the actual Bible does it say you should not masturbate. That’s all taught from the pulpit, from the patriarchy not from what the actual text says.
Wes: You have written books about sex, you’ve written, you’re the founder of Sexinista, Entice Me, and Sexy Survivors, and worked in a corporate setting, too. What do you talk about or what do you explain to people when they invite you in to talk to them?
Tiffany: Well, in a corporate setting is taboo is that is, it’s really important for women to know that they tend to masturbate 37% less than men. And the gender wage gap here in America at least is about 28 cents on the dollar. So men are self-pleasuring more and they’re making more money. And so when women self-pleasure more, they’re more apt to ask for the sale, feel their self-worth, and ask for what they deserve to get paid.
Wes: So it’s a matter of more confidence.
Tiffany: It is more confidence.
Wes: I see.
Tiffany: And Napoleon Hill wrote in Think and Grow Rich that the most powerful people in the world, he said, of course, men back in the ’40s. But the most powerful people in the world are highly sexual beings.
Wes: Is that right?
Wes: Are there any examples?
Tiffany: Yes! There’s a whole chapter on it about all the presidents and leaders in the world who have always been very highly sexual and to take that sexual desire and to put it into power.
Wes: Now you also treat people or talk to people who have gone through life-changing events. Surgery, menopause, pregnancy, having a child post-partum, and things like that. How does sex play a role when it comes to actual health problems? How does sex help in terms of, for example, menopause?
Tiffany: What happens usually with menopause is that libido drops and sex becomes painful because of the lack of testosterone and so the vaginal walls thin and become tissue-like and sex is painful. There’s not as much lubrication and so women will stop having sex because of that. And then because they’re not having sex, those chemicals aren’t being released in their body and so their libido drops even further and the last times that they had sex, the fewer times that they want it. So then it causes, you know, related issues…
Wes: So it kind of snowballs into larger problems.
Tiffany: …relationship issues and the full cycle of divorce and everything.
Wes: I see. So one thing leads to another and it kind of snowballs into a much larger problem. And so, how do you help people regain their sex-drive or have sex more often?
Tiffany: I work with individuals and couples to find out what the problem has been, of why they don’t want to have sex and to really move them forward in ways that are natural and conducive to their lifestyle. There’s a lot of natural ways to increase the libido with foods and with essential oils and with arousals because it starts in the brain. So we’ve been getting women, to encourage them to read Erotica and to touch themselves and to just even with none sexual touch because we’re in such a fast-paced society. A lot of times we shower and we don’t even realize we touched ourselves but to take be more mindful and to actually feel those touches, and help to start to bring oxytocin back into the body as well.
Wes: So it’s not only active sexual intercourse or masturbation. There are other things before and after sex that can be used. I’m interested to know about the involvement of food?
Tiffany: So food has minerals and different compounds, magnesium, zinc, all of those help to boost the libido.
Tiffany: So when you’re eating, you know, pesto is actually one of the best foods. It has spinach and basil and pine nuts. Those all help to boost the libido.
Tiffany: Not just oysters. (laughing) And oysters are aphrodisiacs because they’re very high in zinc which really helps to boost the libido.
Wes: So there’s truth behind the myth?
Wes: How about chocolate?
Tiffany: Chocolate also reacts in the same part of the brain that creates orgasms. So dark chocolate has a lot again of magnesium. That’s why a lot of people who crave chocolate are mineral deficient in their lives. And so that’s why they’re craving dark chocolate, because they’re actually needing the magnesium in their body.
Wes: You must’ve worked with men and women of all ages.
Tiffany: Yes, I do work with women and men of all ages. Most of my clients, I would say, are in their late 40’s, early 50’s. That kind of, you know, been married maybe 20 years and kids have just moved out and they have to rekindle their relationship because the kids are gone now.
Wes: It’s only natural that with age your sex drive or your habits or sexual habits change, and they also change with your relationships and where you are in life. If you’re a teenager or you’re in your 20’s, you might be a little bit more sexually active, you might not. It could be the inverse until you got married, you might be more sexually active when you’re married. Of course, divorce and uncoupling, things like that, older age can also affect sex drive and how many times a week or in a day you have intercourse. There must be a… Is it too early to have sex or is it too late to have sex in your opinion?
Tiffany: No. I think that we’re all living longer. I don’t encourage young teenagers to have sex. I think it’s important to develop fully, have the brain develop fully into really talking about what you really want in your life. But I do think if we teach teen girls about masturbation and self-pleasure like we teach young boys, that they would have the self-esteem that they wouldn’t necessarily need to go out and have partnered sex. I think it creates a lot of self-confidence and self-awareness. And then having sex late into your life boosts that immune system. It helps to, you know, the cardiovascular system, so absolutely, plus it keeps people happy. And with the event of sex toys and Viagra and everything that’s out there, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be having sex for the rest of your life. And sex doesn’t have to be intercourse. It doesn’t have to be what we always, the typical definition of what we think of sex. There are lots of different ways to have sex.
Wes: Should we go over the different types of ways that is possible to have sex?
Wes: What are the different types of ways? Of course, there’s natural intercourse between men and women or men and men or women and women, of course. How about something like phone sex?
Tiffany: There’s phone sex, there’s skype sex, FaceTime sex. During the pandemic, there are toys that work long distance that have an app that you can control your partner and your partner can feel what you’re feeling.
Tiffany: With the toys that have amazing, it’s called Teledildonics. Very interactive, so that if one partner is using it, the other partner can feel what that person is feeling. It’s been really great for this time because people are quarantining apart from each other.
Tiffany: And possibly even in other cities or traveling, we use it a lot with military couples that are in combat situations overseas so that they can keep that connection with their partner. We have oral sex, manual stimulation. There are over 10 kinds of orgasms people can have.
Wes: Really! There are different types of orgasms or they’re categorized differently?
Tiffany: They’re categorized differently based on how the body reacts to them. So some people can have orgasms from kissing, from nipple play, prostate, anal orgasms, vaginal orgasms compared to clitoral orgasms. Some people have orgasms from exercising or just from stimulating their minds.
Wes: That’s very interesting to learn. I did not know that there were different types of orgasms.
Tiffany: And another thing with orgasms is that we tend to think of orgasms and ejaculation being one thing but they’re actually two separate functions.
Tiffany: So, both men and women can have ejaculatory orgasms or non-ejaculatory orgasms.
Wes: Right, okay. This stuff should be taught a little bit better in school, in high schools. (laughing)
Tiffany: Yes. (laughing)
Wes: Or, you know, I don’t know if people have time out there to actually go out and learn about all these things but I think it’s important. It’s a lot of knowledge that could be explored and is useful for life, especially when it comes to our health and well-being. Like you mentioned in the beginning of the podcast, there’s a lot of positive impact of you releasing stress through sex, be it in intercourse or otherwise, and different orgasms. And it could, like you mentioned, there are benefits to our skin, to our health, our demeanor, our calmness and of course our stress levels. I also wanted to do, ask you a couple of follow-up questions.
Wes: You mentioned about, you know, women and sex when I asked you a question about menopause. How about men? For example, if they go through a life-changing experience like a lengthy stay at a hospital or cancer treatment or they’ve been through depression or some kind of mental illness. How can sex help them?
Tiffany: So men like women, men especially tend to acquaint their masculinity with their ability to have an erection.
Tiffany: So after prostate surgery, a lot of times men can never get an erection again. And to really take that as not, that you’re not masculine or you’re not a man anymore, but finding other ways that you can enjoy pleasure. And that you can please your partner, if you’re with a partner, and to really work… I do have a modality in my coaching called EFT, which is the Emotional Freedom Technique. It’s tapping on the acupressure meridians and it helps to really anticipate those limiting beliefs and the patterns that we’ve been taught throughout our lives, about especially femininity and masculinity.
Tiffany: And, you know, teaching those men that there are other ways and that wasn’t the only way that they can experience pleasure and have an orgasm.
Wes: This all starts with a conversation and the conversation is something that is, I personally think is lacking. We are afraid to begin that conversation.
Tiffany: Oh, absolutely. One of the main things that I teach in my coaching sessions is how to communicate because we haven’t ,because it’s a taboo subject and we haven’t been taught how to talk about it and comfortably.
Wes: I am not sure, but I could guess that even couples who have been married probably hesitate to talk about sex.
Tiffany: Oh, absolutely. I think sometimes if they’ve been married a long time it’s even worse.
Wes: How do you get them to open up to each other?
Tiffany: It’s just something that we haven’t been taught to talk about and that it’s very interesting to me because it’s a bodily function. And it’s very, to me it’s something we should be able to talk frankly about. It’s something that we, a need that we all have to be sexual beings, to have pleasure in our lives. And I equate it a lot to, you know, eating and nourishment in that way that we Instagram our meals, we talk about food all the time, but we can’t talk about the other natural function of our lives that causes, that brings pleasure.
Wes: It’s hard to understand and believe as well that it is a very natural function, exactly like all the other natural functions that the human body goes through. Eating, defecating, perspiring, tear ducts, our emotions. All those things are as natural as that. It’s a cultural conversation, more cultural conversation to have, how this became a taboo subject but if we can break that barrier I guess it would be very beneficial to anyone who can.
Tiffany: Yes. And, you know, it’s not just one culture or one religion. It’s across every culture and every religion, pretty much. It’s been, has the stigmas around sex.
Wes: It’s fascinating how we’ve come to that place in humanity, in the human timeline over. However, for many years we’ve been around on the earth 100,000 200,000. So, you’ve also talked about Sexy Survivors. What is Sexy Survivors?
Tiffany: So Sexy Survivors is the foundation side of Entice Me. The Survivors are anyone who experiences a traumatic event.
Tiffany: Whether it’s a life-altering event like divorce or menopause or having a baby, or if it’s a body-altering surgery. I started the organization because I found that cancer survivors want to talk about sex and intimacy. And it’s the number one thing that they want to know about how to reintegrate that into their lives after obviously the money factor. In recovery it’s the intimacy is not ever discussed. And so I started working with cancer survivors to help them to love their bodies again, their new bodies that have had, you know, possibly their femininity or masculinity, what society equates to that taken away. Also, I found with working with those people and my Survivors is that, one, the chemicals that we used in everyday products we shouldn’t be using with a lot of chemicals. And also that chemotherapy often causes artificial menopause and the doctors, most doctors don’t bring that up and let their patients know that that’s going to be happening.
Wes: Okay, alright.
Tiffany: And there’s, you know, a lot of disconnect with couples when someone is going through treatment and the other one kind of gets to the point sometimes of treating the survivor as a china doll and not wanting to touch them, and then that goes down the whole spiral and then there’s no touch, and then there’s no intimacy and so bringing that all back.
Wes: Alright. If our listeners want to get in touch with you and talk to you more about what you do. How can they get in touch with you?
Tiffany: The easiest way is to go to enticeme.com, my website. You can contact me right through here or my email is [email protected].
Wes: And before we leave you, do you have parting advice?
Tiffany: Have sex with yourself and get to know yourself because it’s really hard to communicate what you want and your needs and desires are if you don’t know your own body. And a lot of times we expect our partners to just be intuitive and to know what to do but we’ve never been taught that.
Wes: Right. Excellent advice. Thank you so much, Tiffany, for being with us and talking about sex and how it relates to well-being and our health.
Tiffany: My pleasure. Thank you for having me.
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